How to interrupt: the right way

"Don’t interrupt!"

That’s what people of my parent’s generation told me. Even if I had just accidentally set fire to my bedroom and I now wanted them to help pass along buckets of water to put out the flames, it wouldn’t have mattered. I should wait quietly until I’m invited to speak, smoke floating silently under the door.

Now, I'm a parent and my life is a stream of interruptions. Most evenings, once the kids are in bed, my partner and I sit on the sofa and try to finish all of the incomplete conversations we've had that day.

Anyway, enough domestic stories. Let's talk business, where interrupting is an essential skill. We need to interrupt to keep a wandering meeting on track, to correct factual inaccuracies, to show we don’t approve of something said, or even just to show off a little.

We've all been in meetings when the same person as always talks and talks, jumping from topic to topic, until no one can remember why you are there at all.

Or the meeting when someone passionately argues for something based entirely on a misunderstanding.

Or the meeting when everyone knows each other and they are talking and interchanging ideas and you are sitting in silence thinking, how do I break into this conversation?

These people must think I’m an idiot.

I’m sure we’ve all been in a meeting thinking, “I’ve said nothing at all. These people must think I’m an idiot.” You need to join in, but how?

Yes, interrupting is important. A good interruption can raise your profile in a meeting and remind your co-meeters that you exist. (Proceed with caution, however. Remember the wise words of Abraham Lincoln, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.”)

So, we need to interrupt. But why is it so difficult? Well, it’s probably because you’ve been taught that in English we use fixed expressions like: “Allow me to interject” or “If I may, I’d like to develop that idea.” Trying to remember these phrases and insert them gently into a meeting of native-speakers is nigh-on impossible and will probably make your big moment sound intrusive and confusing.

So, how do you do it?

The secret is not so much in the words of these expressions, it’s about the preparation.

You can’t just jump into the middle of someone’s speech and start talking. You’d end up talking all over them which is really disrespectful. What you can do first, is let everyone know you have something to say. This is like taking a ticket at the fish counter of the supermarket. Then you wait your turn and at the correct moment, use the magic interrupting word.

Here's the interrupting process in full.

1. Let everyone know you want to speak.

There are several ways to do this.

a. Make a neutral noise. My favourite is a sort of ‘Mm’ from the throat. But everyone has their own style. It should be something noticeable, but not interrupting.

b. Make an 'Agree' noise. E.g., “Exactly”, “Yes”.

c. Make a 'Disagree' noise. A longer, “hmm”, from the lips and nose can work.

d. Make a physical gesture. Sitting up straight can work, also try looking confused or taking a long breath in.

Now everyone in the meeting knows you want to speak, and probably the speaker does too. They're ready for you. The next time there’s a pause, go for it.

2. The magic interrupting word (it's just their name).

E.g.,

Speaker: If we return to the figures for the third quarter of 1995 we see that the overall picture was good, However,…

You: John?

It’s hard to ignore someone saying your name. Really hard. Using a name will usually stop the speaker immediately. Even if the speaker continues, they’re bound to have noticed you and they’ll invite you to speak at the next convenient moment. Then take a breath and go on to step three.

3. Apologise for / justify the interruption.

E.g.,

Sorry to interrupt, John. I’d just like to add that…

or,

I think this is great information, John. But perhaps we could also consider…

There are many expressions used to interrupt people, but usually my advice is, keep it brief and simple. Over-formal or long interruptions will not be appreciated. Get to the point!

It's also useful in these days of video conferencing to say who is speaking. It can be difficult to see you among the many faces on screen.

Bad: John, allow me to interject regarding the section you elaborated on regarding the figures of the third quarter.

Good: John, this is Henry. Could I just go back quickly to what you said earlier?

And there you are! You're a new superpower of the meeting. You have made your point and done it well. Your boss is impressed and the other people in the meeting are already looking for you on LinkedIn. Well done.

In conclusion, I really feel that the language you use for the interruption itself doesn’t matter so much. The important thing is the process.

1. Make it known you want to say something (a noise or movement).

2. Wait for the pause.

3. Use the speaker’s name to stop them.

4. Apologise for the interruption.

5. Make your point clearly and briefly.

One more thing. Don’t insist. If the speaker loves the sound of their own voice and doesn’t stop for you to speak, so be it. You'll have to wait. Speaking over someone can make you look bad and can seem rude to the speaker.

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If you're interested in improving your English, get in touch. I'm happy to chat, free of charge, and discuss how I can help.